Hello, I don't really know a lot to say here, I use photography to help keep my sanity as you can see from my photos, I will do my best to tell my story in hopes that it will help someone else. I don't have any money to offer financial assistance to anyone. I am no longer in that position anymore, I have been there, funny how when one becomes no longer able to pass out cash, friends become far and few between. I have read many posts on here and I feel your pain. You see, I have an education, I left home at 15, Pregnant and alone. Married at 16, had another child at 17 and when he was 2 months old, found myself miserable, beaten down, and not knowing what to do. I fled the relationship and was homeless with 2 small children. I met someone who at one time was my soul mate, we married and had a baby girl together,I even managed to graduate from high school during this time, soon after I found out he was a closet Cocaine addict. I knew I had to do something, I found a minimum wage job, and enrolled in college. He owned a custom Motorcycle shop in which he made fantastic money. Although it did not take him long to go through it as an IV drug addict. I managed to get through college, get a great paying retail managers job and things were looking up, although I had a very demanding job, I managed to hang on to our business, work crazy hours, keep my house up, laundry, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, raising 4 children, my 2, our 1 and his from a previous marriage.
I was able to put him through re-hab 3 times during our marriage of 16 years. I held onto it as long as I mentally could. That is until my oldest daughter became pregnant at 17, the baby was born prematurely but did great!! I decided to end my marriage 2 weeks after bringing my grand daughter home after finding out that my husband had cleaned out our checking account. With him gone, I was able to pick up the pieces and get back on my feet. Only by the Grace of God.
Me being one at the time who had never been able to make good decisions where men were concerned, met someone I once again, thought was a great man, until of course I married him.... I found myself once again, putting my career on hold as I helped him to build the business he had always wanted, at which point he grew a better than thou attitude towards me and everyone he came in contact with. You see, he had NOTHING when we got together and I had managed to fix his credit, build his contracting business up to a booming commercial construction business and ended up traveling all over the States with him as his business got bigger and bigger,
all the while having to turn down offers of promotions to District Manager with my company because of the frequent moves. As my luck would have it, he turned into a raging alcoholic. Became very verbally abusive, calling me horrible names... I once again found myself paying all the bills, buying all the groceries and "taking care of a drunk"... all the while his bank account grew larger and larger...
I finally had enough and walked out on that one, feeling as though something was wrong with me. There was, I was a sh*t magnet. I did not have good influences growing up as far as relationships were concerned.
I managed to raise all 4 children alone, along with my grandchild. My Children are all grown and out of the house now. My problem is our wonderful Government!! I am now 44 years old and on disability. I get a disability check every month in the amount of $805, in which $35 is taken out for an old student loan, I applied for a hardship which was turned down. I have NO medical insurance, I draw too much to be eligible for medicaid and not eligible for medicare until June of 2009. I live in a rural community, I called the local state health department to inquire about medical care there, pap smears, mammograms, etc.... only to be told that since my tubes are tied they cannot see me. I am raising a grandson who is 5 years old. I pay $300 in rent, I have water bill, trash bill, and electricity to pay from the $770 I get each month. I have what my daughter calls "country cable" No cable here... I can't afford it.
My life is looking up, after much Therapy, while I was still able to work and had insurance, I have learned a lot about why I have made the choices I have made in life.
I look at each day as a blessing. I am still alive. There were many times when I hoped I would just die. Thank God again, those days are over. I stayed alone for 4 years to just get my mind in order. I met a man 2 1/2 years ago, that is actually a good man, can you believe that? He has been wonderful to me and my grandson.
I am sometimes very bitter about the fact that I worked very hard my entire life and never asked for a bit of assistance through everything I went through. Now that I have asked, I am turned down and have doors shut in my face everywhere I turn. I even tried to get help with a power bill recently, only to be told they would pay $180.00 of a $500 bill, I was grateful for just that. It has been 2 months since they called the power company and pledged that amount. It has still not been paid. Now the power company is denying the pledge. Now I have to find out how to pay that.
My question is, why is it, when a person is completely honest to the county and state offices we are turned down. Are they trying to teach us to lie to them? for over 27 years, I worked hard, paid my taxes and never got a dime from the government. I did it all on my own. Now when I need them, they turn their back on me.
I feel everyone on here's pain... All I can say to everyone is, We have to try and look at the good things in life. Hope for a better tomorrow. Then do a lot of praying that one day our ship will return to us.
Any comments you would like to leave are appreciated: I hope everyone here finds the help they seek. God Bless